Your Wedding, Your Way

Q. Jordan,

I’m engaged! Yay! Honestly, my dream wedding is a quick and fun weekend trip to Las Vegas (the Little White Chapel where Britney Spears got married, duh), followed by a week somewhere warm. And if not Vegas, a courthouse. No part of me wants the normal ritual or ceremony girls have…I’ve never wanted that.

But one of my best friends is making me feel terrible about it…saying things like a cheesy Vegas wedding isn’t a good start to a life together. I know she loves me a ton, so it’s coming from a good place, but a small part of me is a little worried about what she thinks. And maybe if she thinks that, other people do.

How would you handle this?

– Anonymous

A. Well, there are two sides to this issue…

Oh, wait. There aren’t.

DO THE WEDDING YOU WANT.

I’m not even hemming and hawing on this one.

Here’s the thing about weddings: you are virtually guaranteed to alienate someone with your plans. We had a smallish, non-religious wedding in Maine, and, like, half of our relatives had very strong opinions about why this was a bad idea. There are always going to be people who disagree with your choices when it comes to a big, emotional, potentially expensive, presumably once-in-a-lifetime thing like a wedding. Always. You might want to make a concession for, say, a beloved grandmother who really wants you to carry her vintage handkerchief down the aisle, or an aunt who wants to hear her favorite song at the reception, but when it comes to the wedding itself? You get the final say; not a friend (and especially not one who clearly has completely different ideas about weddings “should be like”).

The thing is, people who care about super-fancy weddings and think they’re The Most Important Thing In The World really, really care about them, so it’s likely that nothing you say (“But it’ll be romantic! But it’ll be so us!”) will change your friend’s mind about whether a Vegas ceremony is the “right” way to go about starting a life together. And of course it hurts to not have one of the people who is closest to you getting excited with you, but my advice is to go ahead with your plans, and spend your getting-excited time with the people who understand what this kind of a ceremony means to you.

If your friend says something negative, try saying, “Look, I know this isn’t your style, but it’s mine, and it means so much to me to have your support with this.” Period, end subject. She should get the point, and if she doesn’t, don’t worry: once the day arrives – provided you’re inviting friends – she’ll totally be excited and happy for you. I guarantee it.

(And just as an aside, I loved my wedding…but if I had to do it again I would totally do Vegas or a courthouse. It sounds awesome, and romantic, and I’m speaking from experience when I say that love stories that start in Vegas can be pretty great.)