Q. Hi Jordan!
I would love your advice….since I know how much you know (and love) a good t-shirt.
I have been searching for great vintage t-shirts. Preferably in shades of grey and faded black, with some sort of (cool) graphic on them, and preferably faded and worn to perfection already…but they are so hard to find! And they are usually extremely expensive when you do find them.
I have a grey one that has been my go-to for literally 15 years, but it’s from an ex. It’s time for something new.
F
A. I do love a good t-shirt.
And I know exactly what you are talking about.
The two best t-shirts that I have ever owned in my life – one a plain grey v-neck, one a Led Zeppelin concert tee, both with lots and lots of holes and worn spots – were from exes. Or not really “from” exes…more like “left at my place and never given back.”
I’m a little conflicted about ex-boyfriend clothing, to tell the truth: on the one hand, I completely understand (and relate to) the impulse to hold onto something – a memento of sorts – that sort of eases your way into whatever comes next. But when the thing you’re holding onto is more about the memories than the thing itself (I’m not saying that’s the case with you, just generally) I honestly think that the healthiest choice may be to let that thing go.
I had a ring from an ex – an inexpensive silver one, but one that we used as a sort of “promise” ring for the duration of our many-year relationship – that I held onto for years and years just because I didn’t really know what to do with it: the idea of just tossing it in the garbage made me feel sad, like all that time we’d spent together had been worthless, somehow. But it wasn’t valuable enough to sell – although selling it wouldn’t have seemed right, in any case – and giving it away would have felt strange, like I’d be saddling the recipient with the emotional baggage that came along with the relationship…so much of which seemed wrapped up in that ring.
Very late one night, shortly after I moved across the country and into a brand-new life, I crawled out onto the fire escape of our Hell’s Kitchen apartment holding the ring. I sat with it for a moment, and then I threw it as hard as I could. I heard it ping down somewhere in the parking lot next to our building, and for just a moment – just a brief flash – I felt guilty for having thrown it, and thought about running down to see if I could find it beneath the cars. But then I turned and saw my bed, how lovely and cozy it looked, and I decided to go there instead. That was that, and I never went looking again.
The ring was too heavy for me to carry any longer, I think. The only thing I could do with it was throw it into the dark.
But sometimes it’s not a ring, and it’s honestly not hard to carry at all. Sometimes it’s just a really, really good t-shirt that looks really, really good on you, and its honestly not all wrapped up in memories and drama, and then I think…oh, just keep the thing. (I think that in theory, anyway; in practice…well, put it this way: you’ve never seen me wearing either of those two favorite t-shirts I mentioned on RG for a reason. Yes, they are seriously good t-shirts…but they’re still relegated to the very back of my drawer. What can I say? Wearing them just feels kind of weird.)
Back to your question, though, because even though it doesn’t necessarily sound like your t-shirt is still all wrapped up in your memories of your ex…it’s time for a new tee, one that’s yours and yours alone.
It’s totally possible to get that perfectly broken-in ex-boyfriend tee, minus the memories.
Above are three of the expensive versions you’re talking about – sass & bide does them really well, but wow would I not ever advise spending north of two hundred dollars on a t-shirt with rips. I’m old-fashioned that way, I suppose.
Rip it yourself.
Or buy one of these, all of which are much more affordable (everything pictured here is between $13 and $60). My personal favorite is the white Zara tee in the bottom row, but anything with David Bowie on it is probably a good thing to own.
Enjoy!
