Fun fact: There is no Chinese takeout in Malibu. There's barely even any takeout, period. Postmates? Nope. Grubhub? Doordash? Freakin' Instacart?!
...Nothing.
On the plus side, the absence of Postmates is saving me a boatload of money (my habit of ordering Sugarfish delivery whenever Kendrick had the kids was giving my financial planner palpitations). On the negative side, it means I cannot get Chinese takeout, and this is not an acceptable way to live.
Officially an adult...still take bathroom selfies tho
My mother once said to me, "You always kind of feel like you're 22 years old." And she was right, in some ways. For example, I don't know that you ever truly adjust to the fact that you are now capable of injuring yourself by bending over too fast. Or putting on a jacket. Or sleeping. (I have hurt myself doing all of these things.)
But she's not completely right; in some ways I feel precisely the age that I am. My 22-year-old self specialized in the fields of watching Elimidate marathons and entitlement, and while I still dabble in both of those (rather enjoyable) endeavors, the knowledge that I have acquired in the 16 years since falls into the realm of "enormous." I wasn't totally irresponsible as a twentysomething - I'd had a job since I was 12, so I was decently familiar with the idea of money management and taxes and such - but I couldn't have told you what a HELOC was on pain of death.
Fun fact: I have no eyebrows. I mean, technically they're there, but...mehhhh. It was only when I was about 35 that I finally realized what every makeup artist I'd ever worked with had been telling me for years, which is that eyebrows are everything, and started putting a little effort in - but I've never loved the look of powdered brows, and have always very much wanted some more shape than my limited skills are capable of achieving.
My mom gets microblading done, though, as do a few of my friends, and so - despite the fact that a tattoo ON MY FACE sounded like a distinctly terrible idea - I booked an appointment.
I finally read enough glowing reviews of The Amazon Coat (actually an Orolay coat that for various - and entirely legitimate - reasons is apparently one of most-sold-ever things on Amazon), and bought one to keep me moving on chilly Malibu mornings...and yes. It is 100% worth the hype. SUPER cozy, great-looking, well-made, and confusingly affordable. I like the yellow and red, but there are lots of far more normal colors, too.
"What we think we know about happiness is just plain wrong." Well I'm SO GLAD SOMEONE TOLD ME; I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW. (Feel Happier With The Latest Advice, via Shape.)
Alice & Olivia is having an INSANE sale on their absolutely perfect hi-rise bellbottom jeans.
Last month, I wrote about the universal card of the year for 2020, The Emperor. In that column I also described a couple of very simple processes for finding a personal card of the year. For February, I thought it would be cool to explore some other ways connect with the Major Arcana’s archetypes and see how the cards we choose—and the cards that choose us—interact at the micro and macro levels. And Jordan, my hostess and patron, has offered to be my subject for this process.
Calculating Your Birth Card
Your birth card is, not surprisingly, connected to your birth date. Jordan's birth date is May 26, 1981, so to calculate her birth card, we add 5 + 26 + 1981. This equals 2012, so we keep adding. 2 + 0 + 1 + 2 = 5. Jordan’s birth card is The Hierophant. Exploring how this card interacts with The Emperor will give Jordan some food for thought as she considers the year ahead.
I have atrocious eyelashes. They're tiny, and thin, and the kind of blonde that I wish the rest of my hair was because it would save me oh, god, so much money in highlights. If you've been reading here for awhile, you know that I'm a huge eyelash extensions fan - I first discovered them way back in 2013, but really went full-obsessive when my daughter was born, because I stopped having time to do anything at all related to my physical appearance, and found that eyelash extensions made me feel better about that.
I've more or less been an eyelash extension addict ever since, with the occasional break or two to allow my natural lashes to regenerate - because even though I haven't experienced major damage from extensions, I've definitely experienced some thinning and loss when I go too long without letting them be for a minute.
Now that is a glamorous image.
Alright, we need to talk about this interview. Unfortunately, what we need to talk about is not its subject matter - and I say "unfortunately" because I do think some very interesting topics were covered, including the dangers of the "having it all" culture we find ourselves in today, why I hate Instagram (HATE IT), and my inability to stop writing about inappropriate subjects - plus lots of other stuff.
But I can't focus on our conversation. You will likely unable to be unable to focus, either. Because you will be confused by my head.
Here is an odd way to start a post about pasta and cheese:
I've decided to try limiting my gluten and dairy!
(EXCELLENT start to the experiment, I know. But I figured what the hell, let's go out with a bang.)
I'm SO. EXCITED. about Valentine's Day this year.
...Totally kidding. The holiday isn't my favorite in a vacuum, but this year it's leveling allllll my Scrooge tendencies up to Defcon 1. But just because Valentine's Day is putting me in a mood doesn't mean I can't use it as an excuse to give you guys one of my all-time favorite products: Riddle's pheromone-based oil (plus their spray-on moisturizer and spectacular face oil). Because, you know, you're my real Valentines, anyway. (I mean that. I love this community. Thank you.)
Here is my kitchen. It's where I spend perhaps 75% of my day. There's the cooking and puttering and such, but those barstools are also my writing spot, the kids' homework spot, and (more often than not, alas) where we eat dinner, with the kids sitting on the stools and me leaning over the countertop on the other side (whatever, formal sit-down dinners are overrated).
There's something that my kitchen's missing, though.
