Father Of The Year 2015
by Kendrick
Maybe I’m getting old. I mean, not in the semi-facetious way that makes people say, “Who you? Not hardly!” but rather in the curmudgeonly way that can’t reconcile today’s world – where each day ends, more often than not, with the words “Retrieve Lost Password” flashing across my screen – with the bygone one full of fantasies and laserbeams.
Except more and more, these two worlds are meeting right in the middle. I mean, stuff that only inhabited my childhood daydreams is, like, REAL now.
It blows my mind.
Like, for starters, when I was a kid, I wished I had an R2-D2 that could sort of zoom around the room and beep and, well, be R2-D2. And then, a few months ago, Sphero released a BB-8 App-Enabled Droid (from the upcoming The Force Awakens, which I obviously have already purchased tickets for) that you can control with your phone or tablet. Gizmodo calls it the coolest Star Wars toy ever, and I want it.
Or a hover board. I have always wanted a hover board. And Marty McFly’s shoes from Back to the Future 2.
Dude. You can buy both now. (Well, not a true hover board. It has wheels. But it’s really cool. And you can sort of glide around like Dracula on it). And since I’ll likely never be able to rationalize hitting the “buy” button on either a hover board or Marty Mcfly shoes myself, getting them as gifts is the only way I’ll ever own either.
But if I didn’t want Marty McFly’s shoes, and I wanted, say, some Air Jordans – because every man on the planet would be lying if he said that he didn’t have a soft spot for early Air Jordans – what options do I have? This season’s version? Maybe an old yellow pair from a reseller charging $500?
Nope. I’ve got choices. INFINITE CHOICES. Go to NikeID, pick from tons of styles like Jordan Son of Mars (my favorite) or equally old-school Cortez, and customize each detail, from materials to colors. You literally end up with a one-of-a-kind pair of your favorite Nike shoe. Which might bring a man to tears, just warning you. (And if you don’t want to make these enormously important decisions for the guy in your life yourself, you can get him a gift card here.)
Next: My high school friends and I had an ongoing debate as to whether Batman, James Bond or Indiana Jones was the epitome of cool. Poor Indiana always lost out – despite my protestations – because of one crucial element: gadgets. If we learn one thing from the Dark Knight and 007, it’s that badass, capable guys have really cool gadgets.
Which brings me to my new favorite: the Leatherman Tread, which is essentially a Swiss Army Knife that you wear on your wrist. WHAT.
And last but not least, please just follow these instructions: tell your guy he can go to Laser Gadgets, and that he can have whatever he wants. The site is a bare-bones operation run by terrifying genius nerds who can do things like build custom laser watches and Iron Man hands.
No big deal.
So there you have it. This holiday season, remind your man of the awesome world he’s living in.
Life gets serious sometimes. Buy toys.
Addendum by Jordan:
(Or get any of these. They’re good, too.)
