I Blame You

Sorry, I was wrong when I posted about this sweatshirt the first time.

Kendall’s sweatshirt is actually close to nine hundred dollars. Not six. Nine.

It is from Vetements, which is a super cute brand.

You do not need to buy this sweatshirt from Vetements.

This bra is not in the place where it needs to be in order to fulfill its purpose in life.

I do not think that wearing this is a good idea.

I definitely do not want to wear this.

I am simply awestruck at the fact that she pulled this off and made me think even for one half of one eighteenth of one second that this might be awesome.

I was happy to leave denim skirts (which I will forever think should be called “jean skirts”) back where they belong, in 1995. I still think that maybe we of the over-25 crowd should skip the short versions…but a high-waisted midi jean skirt? Okayyyy fiiiiiiine.

(Kendall’s jean skirt is from re/done, which is a brand I really like, but this is one piece you should DIY – buy a cheap version and distress it yourself, or get all crafty with a pair of high-waisted jeans.)

Yes, the word “pantyhose” makes me cringe too. But you know what makes me cringe more? The idea of someone seeing three inches of my pantyhose hanging out above my belt.

GIRL.

THIS IS BAD.

And yet.

…And yet.

Kendrick often makes fun of my clothing choices by asking me why I would deliberately purchase an item that makes me appear to be shaped like an actual potato.

Or maybe he’s just asking me because he’s curious.

Regardless, I think we can all agree that these jeans are bad. They are thick. And blousy. And bunchy in the exact spot most people do not want to be bunchy in.

…So why am I picturing myself swanning off to kindergarten drop-off in them?

WHY.

I used to hate puffer jackets, until I became a grown-up (nominally, at least) and realized that being cold is both miserable and completely unnecessary if you happen to own a puffer jacket.

I am so pleased to have been alerted via Jenner that I can now be both stylish and warm (except for if I want to be really super duper stylish, in which case I need to wear the jacket hanging off my person in a way that confers no warming benefits whatsoever).

Hooray.

This is an oversize white sweater with pom-poms on it, and it is being worn out to a club. If ever in my life I go to a club again – which, as an aside, I will not – I would like do so while wearing an oversized white sweater with pom-poms on it.

The End.

I take this one as a personal affront. Because I have spent ten years being annoyed with my husband’s Air Jordan fixation. And now I need him to buy me a pair for Mother’s Day (in red and black please), and he is never going to let me hear the end of this.

(I don’t even want to talk about the fact that I want that sweater, too. STOP IT WITH THE BLACK SWEATERS I CAN’T AFFORD, KENDALL.)

This shirt does not fulfill the most basic Shirt Goal In Life (which, as I understand it, is to cover someone’s boobs).

I hate the pants.

I hate the bustier-thing.

But now I want 1/4 of a shirt, too.

See? Now you want track pants, too. You may even want to wear them with heels and a coat made from the skins of rogue Care Bears.

Damn you, Kendall.

Damn you.