Totally what I look like when I fly.
(LIES.)
True, I wish I hadn’t had to travel again so soon after coming back from St. Louis, but hey: let’s look on the bright side instead!
Here are some things that made me happy yesterday, in no particular order.
- My brand-new Very Important Person status. The mystical forces of homeland security have apparently decreed that I am non-threatening, because that little TSA Precheck symbol now automatically pops up on my boarding pass every time I check in. I don’t know why. But I’m okay with that because I am a person who is constantly forgetting to wear socks, and “barefoot on an airport security area carpet” is an unfortunate position in which to to find oneself.
- Being strapped to a seat for six hours with nothing to do but complete an intensive course of study in the topic of Blac Chyna (specifically, whether she is an madcap genius with a hell of a long game or just really into reclusive and allegedly drug-addled sock-company founders). While being away from my children for a couple of days is a bummer, flying without them is very much not. I mean, I’ve figured out some ways to make the mess that is airplane + baby work, but you know what I did on yesterday’s flight? Watched Mad Max. And knitted. And read Us Weekly AND Star AND People while drinking a glass of wine even though I think it was technically only 10 o’clock in the morning California time (whatever, I’d already been awake for seven hours and besides, 10AM is practically nighttime in New York. Or close enough).
- Free (or at least “free”) wine. And movies. And mini-muffins. On Delta, you can pay something like fifty bucks to upgrade to “Delta Comfort,” which is basically just “what flying used to be like and isn’t anymore.” In short, they give you things to eat and things to drink and movies, and you don’t have to bang your knees on the seat in front of you every time you adjust your position. You’re still annoyed at the people sitting in first class because they get warm cookies and soft-looking blankets and beds, but you’re less annoyed. So that’s something.
- These fluffy booties. I had originally planned on having my Fluffy Booties be my House Booties (as in, I’d never wear them outside so the soles would stay clean, but I’d still have something to throw on to cover up my truly unconscionable pedicure situation when people who I’d prefer not to horrify come over). But then I had to wake up at 3AM to make my flight and was sad about that, and when you are sad wearing what amounts to slippers all day long makes it better.
- Airport bagels. I’m a weird snob about bagels because I grew up two blocks from the original H&H factory and used to walk over on weekend mornings to buy straight-off-the-line, still-warm bagels, but in airports my snobbery flies out the window. I am eating that bagel, and it will be delicious because I say so.
- Airport magazines. I have subscriptions to an embarrassing number of celebrity-gossip magazines, because that’s my (apparently not-so-secret) vice, but if I’m in an airport and I spot one that I haven’t read yet, I am buying it despite the fact that it’s probably going to land on my doorstep tomorrow, and I am not going to feel bad about it for one second. Because I’m in an airport! I mean honestly: what else am I going to do? Work? I don’t think so; not when I can buy TWO ENTIRE MAGAZINES for the cost of one WiFi pass.
- Airport moving sidewalks. (Whatever, they’re fun and you know it.)
P.S. Below is what I actually wore (more or less; I couldn’t find images for a couple of pieces, so I found similar-looking substitutes). It was comfortable enough that I was only moderately miserable about having been assigned a middle seat and also having made the very poor decision to buy only one bagel. (What can I say? It’s a learning process.)
