Gift Ideas For White Elephant Parties

I want this.

Anyone with a cat wants this.

Someone at your White Elephant party will have a cat.

Holiday travel is miserable. This cocktail kit might make things (slightly) better.

Best desk accessory ever.

…Second only, perhaps, to this.

I don’t know why; I just think these are really fun. And less likely to be lost by my children, which is what has happened to half the cards in my normal-sized deck.

This is a nightlight. It is clearly intended for children.

I don’t care; it’s adorable.

“Merry Christmas, you have wrinkly boobs!”

(Seriously, though, nooooobody pays attention to this part of their body and everybody really needs to because an aging chest is nobody’s friend.)

This little guy gets in all the best spots (use it on pressure points or to break up “chunky fascia-bound areas” – and I am aware that sounds SO GROSS…but oh mannnn it’s so good).

Aw!

(This set from GIANTmicrobes is called “Tainted Love,” FYI.)

When it comes to cocktails, subtlety is overrated.

Last year, I was the last person at the party to pick from the gift pile, and I opened the intensely boring-looking brown paper bag to find, yes, a joint and breakfast (eggs, bacon, and orange juice) for the next morning.

This was obviously the most amazing White Elephant gift ever, and was promptly stolen from me by the very first person who had picked a gift from the pile, which is apparently allowed.

DAMN YOU, WHITE ELEPHANT RULES.