This post was created in collaboration with Bed Bath & Beyond.

You know how every year I decide that I'm going to actually put some effort into my Halloween costume, and then every year end up procrastinating and digging the cat ears out of storage? And then I swear that the next year will be different, and it's not?

Same thing with holiday parties. When the season starts up, I always declare that this will be the year that I will throw a lovely holiday cocktail party with thematic drinks, Christmassy music, pretty decorations, and possibly even costumes (I usually declare this to Kendrick, who is kind enough to support my enthusiasm while sidestepping the fact that I never follow through on these plans). And then I don't do it.

OK, so at Quaker Steak & Lube - the wings chain that we stop into every time we drive to Ohio - there's a huge menu of hot wings arranged according to something called "Scoville Units" (hotness. basically). The ones I would consider eating hover around ninety units, because I am a weenie and I don't understand why a person would want to eat things that incur pain.

Triple Atomic wings - the hottest ones on the menu - contain something called "ghost peppers" and have FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND units.

FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND. That is a lot of thousands.

And if you want to eat them, you first must sign a waiver. And if you eat six, you get a t-shirt. Obviously I was not interested in doing this, but for whatever reason Kendrick (and the Man Vs. Food guy, apparently) was.