Sweatshirt that nicely sums up my feelings about this "aging" thing

In celebration of the fact that I am about to turn 35 and am kind of weirded out by that, here are a few of the many (oh, so many) ways that I know that I am old:

• I have to use toothpaste formulated for sensitive teeth because of my sad, sad gum situation (one that is, of course, entirely my fault).
• I am more excited about the fact that I have managed to grow a tomato plant in my backyard than makes sense.
• I take acid reflux pills, like an actual grandmother.
• Yesterday, I googled the words "mayonnaise substitute."
• The other night, Kendrick mentioned that his neck has been hurting him when he wakes up in the morning, and we had a serious conversation about whether orthopedic pillows might a worthwhile investment.
• The music level in Abercrombie and Fitch makes me furious.

And, of course, there's the fact that I've spent the past few months realizing that I need to start consciously putting things into my body that are good for it, rather than whatever's in front of me and doesn't require a fork (usually macaroni and cheese, which totally counts as finger food). This, as you might have guessed, doesn't exactly come naturally, so what I've discovered is that it's best if I do that put-good-stuff-in thing sometime around 8AM, when I still care.