The first two weeks, I was all, "Oh my goodness, our baby? Is perfect. He never cries. I have given birth to the only baby in the world that does not cry. I am magic."

As it turns out...babies don't really cry for the first two weeks. That third week? They cry. Like the weight of the world is resting firmly on their 21-day-old shoulders.

So while I still think he's perfect...said perfection includes quite a bit of noise.

The things that have been working for me: pacing endlessly back and forth from the side of the apartment with the screaming children sounds (we live next to a school) to the side of the apartment with the ear-splitting construction sounds (we also live next to a future 2nd Avenue Subway stop), toting him around in a carrier like a little papoose while vacuuming, singing old Eagles songs (finally! someone enthusiastic about listening to my singing voice)...and an iPhone app sent straight from the gods.