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Anxiety

So Here’s What I’m Afraid Of

April 15, 2014

I mean, I'm afraid of lots of things surrounding the family expansion that's on the way. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find the time to do my work (which does not involve maternity leave). I'm afraid that I'll be so overtired and stressed out that I'll take it out on Kendrick, and that our baby's first months in the world will be full of yelling rather than joy. I'm afraid that I'll be so busy and worried about everything that I'll forget to notice what's really happening, which is that my daughter is right there in front of me, learning where her fingers are or how to reach for a toy, and then it'll be over, and I'll never have a baby again, and I'll spend ever day for the rest of my life wishing I had just stopped everything to be with my child and watch her watch the world.

I'm afraid of all of those things.

But right now, right this moment, what I'm afraid of is this: nearly every new parent I've spoken to has told me that part of how you make it through those first few months with a toddler and an infant is basically by dividing and conquering. I've heard from more than one new mom of two that - in the beginning, at least - her partner is generally the one "responsible" for the older child, the one taking him out, playing with him, feeding him, heading out to the park with him, while she stays home with the baby (because, of course, there are some things that Dads just can't do for a newborn; breastfeeding, for example). I've also heard that the moment your new baby arrives, something changes in the way you see your first child: they seem so big, all of a sudden. So capable. And that's wonderful, and also a loss: where did my baby go?

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My Website Was Stolen By A Hacker. And I Got It Back.

April 1, 2014

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For several days last week, RamshackleGlam.com - the domain name that I have owned and operated since March of 2010 - did not belong to me, but rather to a man who goes by the name "bahbouh" on an auction website called Flippa.com, and who was attempting to sell off the site to the highest bidder (with a "Buy It Now" price of $30,000.00). He promised the winner my traffic, my files, and my data, and suggested that I was available "for hire" to continue writing posts (alternatively, he was willing to provide the winner with "high-quality articles" and "SEO advice" to maintain the site's traffic post-sale).

I learned that my site was stolen on a Saturday. Three days later I had it back, but only after the involvement of fifty or so employees of six different companies, middle-of-the-night conferences with lawyers, FBI intervention, and what amounted to a sting operation that probably should have starred Sandra Bullock instead of…well…me.

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Little Terror

March 19, 2014

A couple of days ago, I read this post about Horrifying Things That Children Say, like taking an elderly person's face in their hands and whispering, "it's not good-night…it's good-bye." Stuff like that, because kids are very cute and sweet and lovely, but can also be absolutely terrifying when they want to be or when they are possessed by demons (see: The Ring; Poltergeist; et cetera).

OK. So last night, around 8PM, I put my son to bed, tucked him in, and went downstairs to clean up. After puttering around on my computer for a few minutes, I made myself a bowl of ice cream and carried it upstairs. I checked on Indy, saw a huddled bunch of covers on his bed that looked fairly peaceful, shut the door, and went into my bedroom. I went over to my vanity for the bottle of nail polish I had been planning to do my nails with and noticed it was missing, but decided to just look for it in the morning.

I sat down on my bed with my ice cream to watch Lindsay (ssh, I can't help it).

And then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this: