Illustration by Paperfashion
Kendrick and I are not getting along lately.
Just writing that - putting it out in public - feels scary.
The Hardest Thing
Best
The Space Between
Our backyard; October 2012.
I love our home, and I love our town. I love having picnics and building snowmen in our backyard; I love driving down the twisty road that leads from our house towards the river and seeing the sun set behind the Tappan Zee; I love the little diner we go to on Sunday mornings where the waitress always gives our son a free donut. Mostly I love the life we've spent these last two and a half years building here, and the friends we've made.
We could have lived here forever, but we aren't going to.
Someone With Problems
I wrote a few weeks ago how, in the days following Goldie's birth - when I feared a relapse of the postpartum depression that I'd suffered from after Indy arrived - I was prescribed a low-dose medication to combat the chronic insomnia and anxiety that I've been dealing with for a good decade (and hopefully make PPD more unlikely). It's been two months, and I figure now is as good of a time as any to write about how it's been going.
* * *
Growing up, my parents taught me that no one would handle my problems for me; it was on me to face them, and then fix them. If I had an issue with a teacher, a fight with a friend, an essay that I just couldn't seem to get right, they were there to listen and offer suggestions, of course, but they were not going to storm the gates and take over; finding a solution was my job. And I'm grateful for that.
And Then There Were Two
Q. Jordan,
I recently found out I'm expecting our second child. Before I got pregnant, I thought that I wanted a second child, but now that it's a reality, I'm panicking about how this is going to change our three-year-old son's life and how it will shake up our own.
I'm scared because life right now is pretty great. I feel like we've just started to get out of the weeds of all the baby stuff and are really having more and more fun as a family. We've found our perfect balance between time with our son, social time with friends, couple time, and alone time. Our house is clean, calm, and quiet. We travel. We go on adventures. I'm scared that while all that was possible with one, we can forget it with two.
My Girl
Something that's so different about Number Two (for me, at least):
With my son, I felt so panicky all the time when he was little (and as he grew bigger): stay just the same, don't grow up, stay stay stay. But what watching him get older has taught me is that it's so cool, seeing your children turn into the people they are. I love her just like this, tiny and curled up in the crook of my arm…but I can't wait to see who she'll be.
