if you have to ask yourself if it’s appropriate, it’s probably for a reason and the whole time you’re there you’ll be second guessing yourself.  i think “I feel most comfortable and happy in them” is a bunch of hogwash.  does this girl wear a bralet to work?
it sounds like someone is using this girl’s wedding day to show off to old friends who she seems to want to catch off guard or impress…people she obviously rarely sees and will not be seeing or be in relationships with in the near future.  therefore…not necessary.  

you know, here’s the thing: first of all, i’m pretty uncomfortable telling someone that they flat-out “can’t” wear something to an event or in a situation because there are so many factors that we can’t know (i remember once getting a question from a reader about how to dress for a “rock-star wedding”, and another question from a girl who was uncomfortable dressing down in her casual workplace). 

so for me, the challenge is always to start from the base point of respecting the individual choice, no matter how “out there” it may seem to others and trying to find ways to make it work both for the situation and for them personally. there are people who only feel comfortable in goth clothing, for example, or in rockabilly attire, or in, i don’t know, pants rather than skirts…and i’m generally very in favor of personal expression through fashion if there’s a way (and in this case i do think there is) to make it “work” in terms of not causing grievous offense.  

the other thing about this question that i found interesting was that i totally get it on a personal level. at various points in my life, certain pieces of clothing or accessories have felt like a sort of armor, helping me to feel confident in situations that might have otherwise made me nervous…and i was hard-pressed to let go of them even if they didn’t make a ton of “sense.” i’ve been made fun of a whole bunch for my fashion choices, and i’m sure have had some eyes rolled behind my back from time to time…but to me, being sorta out-of-the-box fashion-wise has generally been a fair tradeoff for feeling confident and like i was being myself.

i think this response is really fantastic, and the outfit looks stylish and appropriate. Jordan, i have to say your blog is quickly distinguishing itself as a style blog that’s somehow also compassionate and always kind. love it.

<3 <3

Hey there! This is a great question & post. I don’t comment frequently because I normally just agree and love the advice, but I thought I’d chime in here. 

For all things like this, it really does depend on the specifics of the setting and how well the person in question knows the host. I can think at least one wedding where I totally could have worn the outfit above. Of course, I can think of a couple where it wouldn’t have been appropriate, although I doubt I would have been kicked out. 

Although I do really like the outfit above, I actually think different colors could make it dressier and/or more wedding appropriate. White (and very light colors that are sort of variations of white) seem most likely to look like lingerie/undergarmets. I think a matching color bralet and skirt with a belt would be the safest and dressiest, perhaps with a slight pattern or texture to the bralet. Black is always a safe bet, grey would work, or you could go for some color. I love and would keep the gold belt with any color combo. 

Last thought, you can always bring a sweater/jacket/shawl to wear if you end up feel uncomfortable in the outfit or for when you go to say hi to the extra conservative person or for when it inevitably gets  a bit chilly. 

first of all, thank you (THANK YOU) for being so open and honest about some very real things that i know aren’t easy to talk about with total strangers (body image, questions of self-worth, insecurity, etc) – i know this discussion is “just” about fashion, but you certainly don’t need to justify your decisions to anyone. even if you want to wander the city streets in minidresses made of tissues and silly string, that’s your prerogative, and hardly something that you should be thrown onto a burning stake for. 

and yet i’ve observed this before on sites that cover fashion, including my own: when fashion is addressed through the lens of sexuality and propriety, a witch-hunt atmosphere can sometimes pop up. (to those who have offered contradictory commentary on this topic, i’m not saying that you’re creating a witch-hunt – i think for the most part it’s all quite civil and simply constitutes a difference of opinion. what i’m talking about can be seen in a more extreme form in this post: http://ramshackleglam.com/blog/best/high-heels-and-hot-pants-if-i-want-to/) 

the thing is, the internet creates a bizarre world where social, religious, and political groups come together (anonymously, at that) in ways that they rarely would in the “real” world. and what happens is that even something as small as a fashion choice has the potential to highlight very deeply rooted differences in opinion (morality, even) that people hold very dear.

as a real-world example: i like wearing heels a lot. we know this. and i also like wearing things like faux fur coats, and too much jewelry, and shorts with tights, and other things that look pretty acceptable on the streets of new york city. 

and then every few months we go visit my family in a small town in canada, or kendrick’s family in a small town in ohio, and i dress…more or less the same way i always do. i tone it down a little, i guess, not really because i feel like i “should”, but mostly because we usually end up doing a lot of cozy, at-home stuff that makes me want to wear sweatpants and flannels. 

still: when we go to restaurants in these towns, i dress like me, whatever that means.

and i remember kendrick once telling me that when he was a teenager in ohio he had observed a prevalent sense of…not anger or disgust, nothing that negative, but more of a “oh, she must really feel like she needs some attention” attitude towards people who dressed “up” when doing so wasn’t “necessary.” he could be right, he could be generalizing, he could be wrong, but for the sake of argument let’s say that the general attitude in Town X towards visitors who, say, wear shorts and heels to the local watering hole is “That is inappropriate.”

so imagine: i go to a bar in Town X dressed normally for me, and we run into a couple of girls from his high school. and to them, how i’m dressed makes it appear that i’m trying too hard, trying to “show off”, whatever. and then imagine the conversation in the bathroom, and how quickly it could go from “Oh my god did you see what she was wearing?!” to “What a slut.” 

and that would hurt. but i wouldn’t hear that conversation, because it wouldn’t be taking place on the internet. does it mean that i shouldn’t be wearing those things, though? only if i want to avoid having people say such things about me at all costs. if that’s my priority, then so be it: i should try to conform to the standards set by the situation in which i find myself, whatever they are. what it comes down to is priorities.

tl;dr? what i’m saying is that there’s more at play here than questions of a single article of clothing and what kinds of situations it’s appropriate for; there is no “right” or “wrong” answer for that. what flies in one social group simply doesn’t fly in another, but that doesn’t make the first group’s choices “wrong”; it makes them different.

different is good. different is important. 

be respectful, be thoughtful, be mindful both of others and of yourself…but also be brave. be different.

My two cents…if she is questioning whether it is appropriate or not, some small part of her thinks that it is in fact not appropriate (otherwise the question would not exist in her mind).  And if she thinks that way, someone else will too.  I work in HR and if an employee comes to me and asks me if something is appropriate or not to wear to work…I always tell them, if you are questioning it at all, don’t wear it.  There are 10,000 other things to wear than a bralet!

I recently got married and would have been totally okay with someone wearing this outfit to my casual Hawaiian wedding. It all depends on the formality of the event and I can imagine situations where this outfit is both appropriate and not at all. 

However, I just can’t wrap my head around bralets being absolutely the only piece of clothing she could possibly wear and feel comfortable/confident in at her friends wedding. It makes me think of  The Office when Kelly Kapoor wears white to Phyllis’s wedding because she looks “really good in white.” 

I think being small chested is definitely relevant. I too am small chested, so I can get away with wearing lower cuts to work, as opposed to more curvy women, who would look all “boob in your face.” Jordan styled it wonderfully, it’s a look I may steal But if you wore it to my wedding, honestly? I may be a bit miffed, just because I’d feel you look fantastic and original, and are stealing my thunder