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Reader Question / Beyond The Registry

Q. Hey Jordan,

So in November I’m going to an ex’s wedding (I’m happy for him, happy for her, they’re excited to see me, etc., so we’re all in a pretty great place). They’re registered at a couple places and chose really affordable items, which I love them for, but all the items are soooo practical. (Fair enough – they might actually need this stuff, and far be it for me to tell them their wedding registry needs a little whimsy.) Still…

I’d love to get them something special. Any thoughts? I’m thinking that his fiancee, especially, will love to open up a gift that involves more than baking dishes and electric mixers…

Thanks for any advice you can offer!

- Anonymous

A. Giving a gift – any gift – is a wonderful, thoughtful gesture, and will of course be appreciated, but unless you’re super close to the couple and are absolutely certain that an non-registry gift is something they’d be totally over-the-moon about (maybe tickets to see a team or band that they both love?), my honest advice is to stick to the registry. When I got married, we registered for our honeymoon (via thebigday.com) and for a few basic household items that we really needed. A few people got us things that we hadn’t registered for, and while of course we loved these gifts…the truth is that we actually didn’t have room for any more stuff in our apartment, so some things only got unpacked once we moved into a larger place. Sure, registry items can sometimes feel like “boring” purchases, but they really are things that the couple needs and wants – and there are usually a few more interesting things peppered in among the forks and knives (cocktail shakers, picnic baskets, decorative items, etc).

If you want to make your gift to them more personal, how about getting them something off of their registry, and then sending a (small) additional gift? Some ideas (the last three can definitely be stand-alone gifts if you’re sure you want to avoid the registry altogether):

A jar filled with the (dry) ingredients for one of your favorite recipes (click HERE for recipe suggestions).

A book that you think they’ll love inscribed with a note from you.

A snowglobe or Christmas ornament with special meaning to the couple.

A handwritten recipe book with a few simple recipes that they can make together.

A reproduction vintage map of the town where they’re getting married, or the town where they met.

A fantastic bottle of wine that they can drink now, and a second fantastic bottle with a note instructing them to enjoy it on their one-year anniversary.

A Cooking Class In A Box for their favorite cuisine.

The bottom line: they’ll love whatever you get them…but most of all, they’ll love having you be a part of such a special day in their lives, so don’t stress too much over the gift.

Have fun at the wedding!

xo
J

Image via Save The Date Events.



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October 25th, 2010 | Posted by Jordan | Home | 12 Comments »
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  • http://landtitanic.tumblr.com Kristen

    My aunt is brilliant at this sort of thing. She gets things off the registry, but makes it special through the packaging. She'll pack it in a beautiful basket and use things like pretty dish towels etc. Everything is from the registry but comes across as more special than just buying the item and having it packaged at the store.

  • http://www.alwaysorderdessert.com/ Alejandra Ramos

    TOTALLY agree with this. With our wedding coming up, I'm really looking forward to getting several of the gifts that I registered for. i was very particular about what I added to my lists since we don't have tons of storage space. For our engagement party we got several gifts that weren't from our registry, and while many were great, a lot of them have to go back because I just don't have the room for them. Also, you can never tell just by looking at someone's registry what they really really do want (and it usually is the most practical random gift). For example, I was ridiculously excited the day I opened a box to find the clothing steamer I had registered for; i bet my aunt had no idea, but it's totally my favorite gift so far. So yes, definitely agree with Jordan's advice to get them what they asked for, and just add a cute fun thing of your own on the side.

  • jordanreid

    i DESPERATELY want a clothing steamer! seriously. which one did you choose?

  • jordanreid

    i love this idea! what a great way to personalize a registry gift.

  • http://www.alwaysorderdessert.com/ Alejandra Ramos

    It is the best thing EVER!! The one we got is the Conair GS7R compact fabric steamer, which I registered for at Macy's. It's about $75 there, and small enough that it can be stashed in the bottom of a closet, which is nice.

  • http://twitter.com/cosmicrayz cosmic rays

    yeesh. great answer but the question made me cringe! i feel like gifts are always more about the giver than the receiver and by wanting to personalize your wedding gift to an ex you're just seeking out attention for yourself and wanting to make it be about you. she should enjoy the event, get them a registry gift and leave it at that, in my opinion.

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  • jordanreid

    well, i think these types of relationships are all pretty complex, to say the least, and it's hard to eliminate any element of competition/hurt feelings/jealousy. and yeah, that's another reason i suggested a registry gift – because when it comes to exes, there can be such an element of sensitivity (even if doesn't appear so on the outside) that you might want to fly under the radar a bit when it comes to acknowledging the depth of your relationship with either half of the couple getting married. that said, i think it's admirable that even in light of that she's so determined to show personal, genuine support for them.

  • jerjer

    Just wondering, are these really reader questions? Sometimes they seem fake. and I know a lot of sites and bloggers do fake questions. But these seem awk. Especially when a simple google or a visit on expert sites could answer them so easily.

  • jordanreid

    Yup, every reader question is 100% real, although they're sometimes edited for length. I also check with everyone who sends in a question before publishing my answer on the site to make sure it's OK by them that I answer publicly.

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