Today Virgil and I paid a visit to the vet to check up on his itchy ears. The verdict was…not great (three weeks of drops, which he hates). We have a sad little puppy on our hands.

What’s that, you say? You’ve always wanted to know the proper procedure for putting drops in a dog’s ears? Happy to oblige.

1. Have a partner hold the dog firmly (unless he’s particularly calm; Virgil isn’t).

2. Pull the ear up to straighten out the ear canal (dogs’ ear canals are at right angles).

3. Put drops in ear and cover with gauze pad to minimize mess.

4. Sort of squish the base of the ear between two fingers to really get the drops in there. This should all be done in a kitchen or bathroom, because chances are the second you’re done they’ll shake their head in exasperation, sending liquid flying.